So, I last spoke about the floodgates opening up about all these powerful men that have made an avocation of molesting those who would be easily intimidated. The number of accusers coming forward is both heartening and horrifying. Heartening in that so many are finally unburdening themselves and facing these men in the light of day, and yet horrifying that there are so many. How did these men find time to get anything else done?
Okay, slightly off topic. I want to talk about the victim now, and all potential victims out there. First, let me be very clear. Nothing you do will ever justify anything done to you, ever. Second, I am not going to address stranger rape, which is a whole different animal than what I want to discuss. With those things in mind, I think there are things that we, as women, should be doing, or rather not doing.
In nature, humans are literally the only species in which the female pursues the males in any way. In all others, it is the male who tries to win the female heart. They are given, by nature, the tools to this end. The males are given the brighter colors, more plummage, luxurious manes, glorious antles, better eyelashes and hair. You get the idea. I am not sure at what point the human female felt the need to start trying to attract the males. It is surely not necessary, they need no incentives. I think maybe that it is a combination of the fact that there are way more females than males in most areas of the world, and human females are very insecure and competitive around other females. Because of these things, the competition has, over the centuries, taken an ugly turn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, to feeling sexy and desirable. But there is a point after which you are basically baiting the bear. When I was in high school, I was that mousy, flat chested brunette that got ignored in favor of the busty, lusty cheerleaders for the most part. I took notes. Right after graduation, the hormone fairy finally noticed me and between getting great breasts practically overnight and some help from Clairol, suddenly I was a hot property. And I became a huge tease. I had something all the boys wanted, my virginity. I dangled that carrot for all it was worth. In return, I was constantly fending guys off. Most took being rebuffed like gentlemen, and either behaved thereafter, or moved on. All but one. That one eventually shoved me down and took what I had been dangling in front of him. I stupidly, and literally, walked into the lions den, knowing he would "try". Is it my Fault, what happened? No, he was a rapist. BUT, could I have easily prevented it from happening? You bet.
We as women KNOW that men, all men to one extent or another, will attempt to get sex whenever and wherever they can. But we still seem to feel the need to incite them. Like I said before, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel sexy without worrying about being assaulted, of course. But we also need to take partial responsibility in the constant, ongoing mating dance. Everything we do telegraphs a message to others. What we wear, drive, eat, buy, do for fun, for work, read. It all sends messages to others. Unspoken communication is at least, if not more powerful than spoken language, overall. So, that being said, when you wear something that clearly shows pretty much all of your breast, is cut up to your butt, or is so short that your butt is right there, for all to see....what is your message? Honestly. You can be sexy without dressing like a porn star. I will freely admit that in younger days, I have worn some pretty risky stuff, and I did it because honestly, I really enjoyed watching men walk into walls, watching me walk by. I really thought that driving men crazy with lust was an artform. I have learned over the years, that it actually takes no talent at all. Mostly you just have to be breathing. It IS great fun turning heads, it truly is...but here is the problem. Would you go into the woods and dangle a salmon in a bear's face? Would you dress up like a gazelle and walk past a lion? I hope the answer is no. Why then, do you purposely try to incite creatures that you KNOW could turn on you, just like the bear and lion? Under ideal circumstances, most men are perfectly capable of policing themselves and can be civilized when being teased, and make no mistake, you know you are teasing. If you only admit that to yourself, that is a start. We supposedly dress for other women, but really, only to the extent that we want to show the other women that we can attract more males. Again, a perversion of the natural order of things. I am not saying you need to dress like a nun... so no nasty emails. I like to show a little cleavage myself, but responsibly. Many females, mostly young, are taking their social cues from a family that I won't name here, but they have their own TV show and the main character rose to fame off of a sex tape, and frankly, even married, she dresses like a porn star. Nothing is left to the imagination, nothing. And women follow this example. Well girls, she has bodyguards to protect her when she goes out like that. She can whip men into frenzies of lust all day long and be completly safe doing it. YOU cannot. And when men offer to show you around someplace, especially a private tour, quit acting like you don't know what's going on. Frankly, men aren't that clever. Their little "traps" to get you alone and isolated are not that complicated to see through. If you want to play roulette to get something you want from them, like a part in a movie, then be prepared when the gun goes off. Take your half of the responsibility for the scenario you find yourself in. You are a participant in all social interactions, and that includes protecting yourself, in advance, from predators. We teach children about "stranger danger", right? So how do we get dumber as we get older? You don't have legitimate interviews in someones apartment or hotel room, come on. You have to make a decision...how badly do you want that job, part, car...whatever? Either you're willing to sell your soul, or you're not. All I am saying is this, ladies...what is your message?
Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis
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