Well, Thanks to dear John Legend, the public breastfeeding debate is back on a front burner.
These women are eerily like the (mostly) men of the gun ownership lobby...a bit crazed. First, before I go on, yes ladies, breastfeeding IS a natural occurance, no doubt. That is not even the issue, alright. The issue, my sisters, is should you be doing it in public spaces? Personally, I don't go out much, so I barely have a dog in this debate, BUT if I did, would I want to see it at, say, the food court? Honestly, not really. Look, I love babies, they smell good, they are beyond cute snd there is nothing quite like cuddling one, BUT that being said, I'm not even crazy about watching them being spoon fed. Food in/food right back out, in, out. Not something I want to see when I'm eating. When a baby is nursing, it can get loud, there is the breast switching, etc. Now a lot of people say "oh, gross", etc, but I don't think that is the issue, grossness. I think at it's core, this is a VERY intimate activity and personally, I get uncomfortable the same way I would if a couple starts making out in a public space, right in front of me. Both totally natural things, but seriously, too intimate to share. And to be REALLY honest, I think in both cases, the perpetrators are sort of bragging about their good fortune. How much it saddens childless women like me to see, really. It is NOT a shameful activity, it is just a bit too overt, that's all. If you have a party at your house, and in the middle of it, you want to stay with you buds while feeding, by all means, go for it, your friends probably are fine with it. But not knowing the "temperature" of a public space, it's sort of a selfish thing to do, not shameful...just a bit thoughtless of others.
Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis
Warning: Religious persecution ahead
What the absolute f***!!!
I have been reading about Catholic priests being molesters and pedophiles for decades, and now the final straw. As suspected, these supposed shepherds of souls have also been raping nuns. AND now, it seems we know where all the caught priests were shipped. It would seem that a bunch went to Pennsyvania. AND, when interviewed, the reptile that assigned all these creatures showed absolutely NO remorse. In fact, through the whole interview, his body language, (including condescending head tilt, eye rolls and smug smile) said "oh my dear, what is the big deal" to me. And when asked if he felt the least responsible for having brought most of those creatures there, he basically said no.
Listen, celibacy is NOT a natural state, or even healthy. If you are going to demand this of your employees, finish the thing and castrate them. THAT should separate the chaff from the wheat. I would suggest chemical castration, but there is no guarantee they would be treated with any regularity. And is it any surprise how perfect their system of cover-up is? Priests are supposed to "purge" regularly through confession, and confessions are sealed, so even if they do tell what they're doing, the hearing priests hands are tied. How very convenient. And the poor nuns. Where were they to turn? This brotherhood of pedophiles and rapists MUST be brought down. Call it the "#wetoo" movement, because there will be whole groups for every one of these monsters.
Religion has been called the opiate of the masses, and the drug involved is where the abusers tell their victims either that God was okay with it, or that God would punish them if they told anyone. And When will the followers of this sect finally lay the responsibility of this where it belongs, at the feet of their leader?
These are men, fatally flawed men that have no business guiding anyone, anywhere. The cover-up needs cleansing light. I know that religion is a comfort to many, but really, how comfortable can you truly be, knowing this is going on, and you know it, but let it continue?
Before I start, as of this posting, 36 children have died because of you whiny spoiled brats that I will be calling Antimoms from now on. So...this has just got to stop, this BP bashing, and here is why. Most of the folks demonizing BP are under 30. Why does that matter, you may ask? It matters because of memories you don't have if you fit that demographic. If you were born in the 1950s or even earlier, you have vivid memories of the time when things like polio ran wild, with no cure or even something to ease it, nothing. Measles, Rubella, Chicken Pox, Whopping Cough, and Mumps ALL ran wild.It was a rite of passage to get and survive them. We would get more days off for them than we did for snow. To us kids, days off from school was a cool thing, if one of us came down with symptoms, everyone else would do their best to rub up on them to catch it, too. To our mom, however, not so cool. These were not namby pamby diseases. You COULD actually die from them. Most of us didn't, but now many of us live with the threat of Shingles from having had the Chicken Pox. Thank God the nasty old BP came up with a one time only vaccine against this horribly painful rash. If you were unlucky enough to contract Tuberculosis, that meant you were moving to either New Mexico or Arizona to live out the rest of your limited life, because those were the only places dry enough for you to survive. The only thing back then that was less deadly, for the most part, was the flu.That is only because world travel was not so frequent then, bringing back more and more exotic versions. It wasn't fun getting it, because there was no vaccine, so if you got it, it was usually a solid 2 weeks in bed, but it wasn't so varied, at least. There were no real meds for any of these things beyond calamine lotion, aspirin, cough medicine and chicken soup. Suffering abounded. Now before I defend, after a fashion, BP, let me say that I don't think they are in the least altruistic, particularly humanitarian, or even nice to their mothers, okay? They are in it for the money, of course. Also, I am among those who feel they are withholding cancer solutions of various sorts, possibly until they can figure out the most profitable way too release them, but it's just a theory born from the frustration of watching loved ones die from this insidious disease. But here's the thing, because of them, those diseases of my childhood were all but eradicated from the planet. The big bad BP made it possible to avoid all of them with a quick, simple vaccine. In fact, in the case of one vaccine, you get 3 in 1, with tetanus thrown in. Now I get that you want to live clean, the latest swami's are telling you about all the poisons in the world, and there are plenty, and how to avoid them...for a fee, of course. It's great to eliminate the dyes and scents from your toilet paper and laundry soap; avoid unnecessary chemicals in processed food; use all natural cleaning products and make-up. All these things are great, but at some point, some paranoid idiot decided to take a nostalgic walk back to the middle ages, which, if this anti-immunization movement keeps going, we will most surely be. Think I'm being dramatic? It took one sick woman to wipe out a substantial amount of the total population of Europe. You know the charming kids song, Ring around the Rosie? It's about death and the Black Plague. There is now an outbreak of Measles and the flu in the Dallas/Ft.Worth metroplex. BP is not up for sainthood, for sure. But you need to do some actual research into the not too distant past and find out just how much you DON'T suffer from today because of them. THEN do some actual, reliable research about the fact that vaccines are pretty much harmless.You just do not really grasp how perilous life was before these vaccines, just like you cannot seem to comprehend a world without computers. Well, it existed, Antimom. There is a saying that everything that ever was will eventually cycle back around again, like bell-bottom jeans and turtle necks. Well, thanks to your unreasonable paranoia, the time when we truly feared some terrible diseases is making a serious comeback. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
Well, it was inevitable. First there is a problem, usually one of epic proportion, that everyone knows needs to be addressed, but nobody wants to be the first one to test the water. Too risky, too scary, too much to potentially lose. Fine, so shut up and let others continue to suffer for no other reason but your lack of courage. Then one day someone says, you know what? Enough. Who cares what happens, this has got to stop. So that brave person jumps in with both feet. At first, everyone is stunned, shocked. Could this be true?? Short pause for initial dust to settle. Nothing bad is happening to our brave whistle blower, hot damn. All of a sudden, everyone is getting brave, remembering indignities done to them and they all need to unburden themselves, like right now!! This is a good thing. Finally the light is being directed at the dark corners of life, and the insects and vermin of humanity are being driven out of their hidey holes. All Hell is brought down on these men, one after another. There is someone new exposed nearly every day. Things will finally be changing. Only one tiny problem. Just like in every war, there is collateral damage. The MeToo movement was formed, and of course, everyone wanted to join. But without a personal account to tell, would one feel truly comfortable as a member? So now, some women, those desperate to be a part of anything new and shiny, are scouring their pasts, looking for anything that might do, like looking for a credible costume to a retro Halloween party. This leaves every man who has ever made a pass at a woman on every date he has ever been on, vulnerable. Which means virtually every man in America. Look, dating is literally a mating ritual. Part of that ritual is attempting to find a mate. Are some men simply terrible at this?? You betcha. Should they be criminalized? Good grief, no. Slapped perhaps, maybe even laughed at, if you're into that, but accused of assault, come on. Here is how it goes, men try, and we either accept or refuse. Is it sometimes clumsy and embarassing, yep. Do you sometimes sorrrrt of accept, then suddenly decide, uh..nope,changed my mind, yep. Maybe he wasn't as good at seduction as you had hoped, not a good kisser, whatever. Point is, somewhere in the middle of the meal, you decided to send your plate back. Buyers remorse is NOT cause to indict the chef. You made a bad choice. No actual harm, no foul. Get over yourself. Don't destroy some poor shlub just to get into the club, ladies. If you are fortunate enough to NOT have a story, just be supportive of those who do, geeze. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
So, Dr. Jackson has declared Donald T. mentally intact..because he passed a series of tests any competent 10 year old could pass. That he can theoretically balance a check book, remember a series of words for 5 whole minutes and form whole sentences is hardly a glowing endorsement. Since his meaty finger is poised over THE button, here is the test I would like to see him volunteer for. I want a psychiatrist to take a DSM and tell me where on THATspectrum Mr. T sits. Because when I look up megalomaniac..I see his picture, and that is NOT the guy I want on that button.
To save everyone time..a megalomaniac is someone obsessed with their own power. This is where the problem lies, not whether he can successfully host a dinner party. The fact that he is constantly poking a fellow mega with a stick is the problem. He is literally playing a game of global "chicken" with our lives.
For whom were the results of these tests a comfort? I have never doubted his cleverness. The guy has made a career of getting others to build things for him, then not paying them, for paying practically no taxes, thanks to his perpetual state of bancruptcy. Getting women to marry him..all prove he is smart, for sure. But what he really needs testing for is his psychological status, not his mental accuity. It takes a rare breed to be the leader of a nation. Petulant behavior in the boardroom, on the set of a television show or even on Twitter is not an issue. It is amusing, and, if you happen to be the boss, tolerated. But leader of the free world, uh, no. Being strong and decisive,, yes. Being capable of diplomacy, definitely. Being able to balance humanity and pragmatism, sure. but showing your ass on Twitter, regularly causing eye rolls by other world leaders, not to mention constantly insulting one nation or another...not so much Presidential qualities. You wouldn't let your five year old behave this way, why do you tolerate your President? Talk about your fake news.
Tricky things, relationships. I have many, of all shapes and sizes. Some are casual and light, some are deep and complicated. The ones I want to discuss now are the deep ones, the relationships that keep me warm when I am feeling cold and lonely, or scared, confused, angry, joyous, or simply feeling the strains of being bipolar. These seven very special people keep me on an even keel. They all have something special that I need, and each one is very important to me. Thee people are, unfortunately, far flung from me, physically. From New York, to Pennsylvania, across the country to Arizona and California...around the world, and in of all places, Russia, they nevertheless nestle close to my heart in most ways that matter. New York and Arizona, you are my sisters from different misters. You could not be more different from each other, and yet, you both provide me with true camraderie when I am feeling sad, or even worse. You know just what to say, how to make me laugh, and most important, how to make me feel important just because I exist. You are touchstones, and at different, very intense times in my life, you were there to hold my hand in the darkness that was my life until the light shone again. And you continue to bring me joy every day..even though you can both be terrible brats..but that's what little sisters sometimes are. My friends in California, you have filled a hole in my life and heart that would have been taken by children, had I been lucky enough to have them. Through you, I get to know the joy and pain of motherhood, and grannyhood, too. You got me in front of a camera, and make me accountable for my whereabouts on a regular basis. You bug me about my health and welfare and perform yearly miracles by getting a confirmed introvert on a plane every spring to come and experience, well, experiences for two amazing weeks. You have taken the burden of the handling of my affairs, should the worst happen, as your own. To my friends in Pennsylvania, England and Russia...at the start of deep relationships, there is a courtship phase. You meet, usually engaging in a mutual interest. At first, it's casual, then slowly, you start talking. Suddenly, you cannot talk to each other enough, you find you have so many common interests, you can't really believe it. So now, you are spending time together and then you broach the Devil's three...sex, religion and politics. Miracle of miracles, you are not only still speaking, but are seeing each other regularly. Then there is music, books, sense of humor...you have found a kindred spirit, you are home. You are now ready to run off into the the deep woods of Washington, or a remote and sparsely populated island with this person...but then, like all relationships, you go through a small cooling off period, after a white hot courtship. Is it over, have they tired of me, realized what a crazy person I am? The answer is no, silly rabbit, no killer....it is most definitely not over. It has just reached comfortability, true compatibility. There is no need for constant reassurance, it is no longer an unbaked cake. It is fully cooked and ready to be completely and thoroughly enjoyed. And enjoy you I do, so much. You bring the color, sound, scenery and wonderful dialog to my otherwise drab life. I have a few other friends that I get daily joy from, for whom I am grateful at all times. Without you, laughter would be rarer, I wouldn't be challenged so much, or have nearly as interesting a feed on Facebook as I do. Thank you all so much for being my friends, I cherish you all. Just Sayin' Dragonfly Davis
Notice how I don't use whole names when I slam someone? Avoiding lawsuits. Okay...so, whan an idiot you are. There has to been something fundamentally wrong with someone who takes what could be the easiest, sweetest gig ever, and with the ease of your typical narcissist, you piss it all away. Unfortunately, since you pander to children, and they are not as tainted, usually, as your average adult, you are likely to be forgiven, even though your "apology" lacks certain factors.Since you made a mess of that, too, those factors are genuine humility, something you seriously need to look into; some real regret over your incredible insensitivity, not only to the poor, dead soul, but to your somewhat delicate viewers. I won't even mention the sensibilities of your now regretful sponsors How many times can one mention oneself in an apology? You might want to check with the Guiness people, there could have been records broken, as well as the innocence of many of your fans. i am sure there were some of your people that laughed right along with you, because you/they are still young enough to believe you are immortal. Nope, just immoral and callous youths. I understand you get 3 strikes with your channel, and this is number one. Well, I'm not usually a gambler, but I would put a couple bucks on you managing to rack up the other two quickly enough. I looked into that face, and saw no real regret or remorse. The only thing I saw was the pain of having to apologize for something you though was cute. You are all ego, no soul. In Texas, we would call you All hat, no cattle. I have to admit I will sort enjoy seeing how long it takes you to totally self-destruct. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
So, what is happening right now in this country is a good thing. We are finally ridding the workplace of men who use their positions to do things to women that are very wrong. These predators, like H. Weinstein and K. Spacey, need to be held accountable and suffer the consequences of their lascivious actions, finally. There is only one problem. This has not been an orderly round-up. This started out with one man, who finally pushed one too many times. I mean Bill Cosby. Way back when he was accused of misconduct, there was the "shock and awe" effect. No one could believe this was happening at all, and to a beloved institution, at that. But as it is at a junior high school dance, once one brave soul puts their foot out and steps up, others will follow and before you know it, you have a dance. Well, it took some time for that to happen, but finally others have decided they are ready to dance. The only problem is, it has turned from a dance to a rave that is out of control. Everyone wants to be a big part of the "me too" movement, to tell a story of sexual abuse towards them, to be able to fully participate in the biggest upheaval in societal norms since women got the vote. Now, every man who has ever made a misstep with a woman is under the microscope. It's like when Women's Lib was at it's most radical. All men became terrified to open a door, pull out a chair, bring flowers or even compliment a woman, lest they be crucified for disrespect. It became, because of some pretty rabid individuals who I suspect just hated men in general, a witch hunt. The same thing is happening now. There are degrees to everything, even murder. So comparing an idiot with poor judgment, like Al Franken, to a predator like Weinstein or Spacey, is just not right. I saw the picture of Sen. Franken and the sleeping model. He doesn't even appear to actually touch her. Was it a really stupid and juvenile thing to do? You bet. Was it predatory or harmful? noooo. She was asleep, she was not touched or harmed in any way. There is nothing for HER to be embarassed aboout. No reason it should bring any shame to anyone but him. And yet, he was hunted down and punished with the same righteous vigor as Weinstein. Now every man who has ever said anything inappropriate is in danger. And notice I said 'said anything". At this point, every woman in the country is scouring her past for ANY example of misdeed or word. Thing is, in general, men tend to be inappropriate. Now before you send out a lynch mob for me...I am not talking about any man that gropes a woman dispite having been told no, or uses his position to coerce a woman into actions she does not want to do. I'm talking about the poor souls who truly suck at reading signals, and mistakenly try to get something going with the object of their affection. This is called "making a pass", not molestation. Just like in football, the object of the game is to score points, whether that be winning fair maidens heart, or just winning her for the night. Sometimes the pass succeeds, and there is a touchdown, sometimes there is a fumble or a flag on the play, but it is normal stuff, not the stufff of what is happening now.. Ladies, I am all for bringing down all the power mad predators that hunt in the workplace for victims. I think it is finally time to put a stop to all that. All I am saying is, before you burn someone at the stake, because this is a bell you cannot un-ring, just make sure this was an abuse of power or position and not just some adolescent schmuck, acting the fool, thinking he's smooth and trying to get over with no actual harmful intentions. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
So I have acquired a great little part-time job for myself. A few months ago, I started playing this very addictive online game called Township. Seriously, don't even check it out unless you are prepared to dedicate some serious time to it. Anyway, at one point, you have the opportunity to join a co-op, to exchange goods and to take part in regattas. I ended up in this international co-op that has Russians, Germans, English, people from Barbados, the UAE, India and Asia. We are a veritable United Nations, but get along much better and are totally co-operative, despite the language barriers. This is due, in great part to the founder of the co-op, who is a teacher in Russia, teaching English as a second language. We have become very good friends, and she asked me a couple weeks ago if I would be interested in speaking to one of her classes once a week. Well,, public speaking is one of my least favorite things, but the idea of speaking with some regular Russian citizens was just so interesting and enticing that I could not refuse or resist. So we talk about different things, They want to be exposed to how Americans really talk, as opposed to what out-dated text books tell them. Today, one of the questions they had was to learn what the most common and popular curse words are. So I rattled off the most common in my personal repertoire, which was pretty colorful, but as is so often the case, I come up with my best responses retroactive to the conversation. I was sitting here and realized I had neglected to mention possibly the most ubiquitous phrase used today....the all-purpose phrase 'what the fuck". There are very few instances that this phrase, or, in a pinch, abbreviation, wtf, cannot be applied. It can be an inquiry, an exclamation of surprise, disgust, anger, glee, shock, outrage, confusion or just plain exhaustion. I wish this blog came with an audio application so I could demonstrate all these examples for the class.. You can even embellish this phrase by adding a modifier, such as "what the absolute fuck". The other phrase I use constantly is "OH MY GOD" or omg in Facebook lingo. This can also be elevated with adverbs such as 'Oh my fucking God" for particularly heinous and/or surprising occasions. So, there you are, dear class. These are the best I have to offer. Sorry I had brain freeze earlier. To everyone else...OMG, I know this isn't about anything relevant today, but WTF...sometimes I just want to be amusing, okay? Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
Good grief, just when I think racism couldn't get any more ridiculous...
Some people, it seems, will do just about anything to keep other cultures at bay, even taking the stance that embracing them is in and of itself, racist.
Now, I am not talking about insulting caricature here, where someone appears in, say, blackface and portrays African-Americans in a less than flattering light. No, I am talking about admiring a culture and embracing things about it. There is a post about a little white girl who has a traditional Japanese tea party for her little friends in geisha girl make-up and kimono. People are outraged. And not about what you would think. They are upset because they feel she is appropriating the culture, which is patently absurd. That would, by definition, mean she is literally stealing Japans culture from them, without their permission. This has become an unbelievably out-of-proportion trend. Some people think that white women are appropriating African-American womens hair styles. Uh, excuse me, but does anyone have a patent on hairstyles? African-American women have been straightening their hair for decades. Does that mean they are appropriating 'good hair"?
This would mean, if taken seriously, that we will have to shut down every Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Ethiopian, Vietnamese, etc., restaurant in Amerca then...and I'm sorry, I'm not giving up Taco Bell for anyone.
Neither am I prepared to give up karaoke, mahjohng, accupuncture/accupressure, pretzels, beer, whiskey, tequila, horses,
French kissing, golf, karate, flip-flops, duvets,
Swedish massages, Irish lace and linen, Turkish towels, Cuban cigars,
French horns, Mariachi bands, Focattchia bread...etc, ad infinitum. for anyone. I think the best thing that could happen to this planet would be the total immersion/blending of all cultures together and all things become just simply human culture.
If I were an alien, visiting this planet, I think I would be very confused about everyone insisting Their culture is the best, None is the best, they are all just different, period.
And these new Debbie Downers are disguising their racist hearts that are terrified not of other cultures being "appropriated", but of their own disappearing. I say to them, please unclench. Embrace universal unity and sharing, would you?
So, I am sort of an involuntary gambler. Every day, this 'roulette/chore wheel' gets spun, and that is my day. Some days, it gets spun multiple times....
If you can relate, let me know. And as always, feel free to share.
So..
Depression-relentless sadness for no particular reason.
Makes leaving the house pretty difficult.
Anxiety-relentless, unreasonable, overwhelming fear for no particular reason, or out of proportion to a situation.
Again, going out is a challenge.
Mania- unreasonable anger and impatience towards everyone ans everything.
Makes any social interactions, and driving, very "interesting' experiences.
Panic- unreasonable fears about pretty much any/everything.
Everything except breathing is tough until it passes.
Hypomania-the only truly positive thing on the wheel...unreasonable happiness and positivity totally out of proportion to reality.
I am very social, extremely creative, but things like retail therapy become a problem.
Hypersexuality- out of control sexual thoughts and urges.
Self-explanatory.
OCD- unreasonable expectations about pretty much everything.
But my house is VERY neat.
So...that's MY daily roulette/chore wheel...can't wait to see what the arrow points to today
I was reading one of my old Dean Koontz novels and ran into this very simple, yet compelling philosophy of how to live your life. I want to share it with you. Hopefully, Mr. Koontz won't mind... Is this really a wise strategy for living? Insisting that most of life isn't to be taken seriously. Relentlessly viewing it as a cosmic joke. Having only four guiding principles; one, do as little harm to others as possible; two, be there always for your friends; three, be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; four, grab all the fun you can. Put no stock in the opinions of anyone but those closest to you. Forget about leaving a mark on the world. Ignore the great issues of your time and thereby improve your digestion. Don't dwell in the past. Don't worry about the future. Live in the moment. Trust in the purpose of your existence and let meaning come to you instead of straining to discover it. When life throws a hard punch, roll with it-but roll with laughter... Catch the wave, dude. Sounds too easy, and when it comes to life, do we ever do anything easy, or do we usually insist on swimming upstream like salmon, struggling all the way? Class dismissed Just sayin' Dragonfy Davis
And by all things holy, I of course mean tequila and dogs.
I am sick to death with the sexual harrassment thing. I realize it is real, and needs to be dealt with, but I think I personally have dealt with it enough, except for this little observation...
We have this whole thing backwards, as we often do with things. See, in general, women don't like being sexually harrassed, but usually are. Conversely, most men would pay money to be sexually harrassed, but generally are not.
There are, however, some glaring exceptions, and I personally am sort of embarrassed about it.
Some famous women seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time with their hands all over hapless men. It doesn't seem the men have a problem with this, but perhaps they are putting on a brave face for the sake of continued employment, like so many of these women say they had to do. Two of the women in question are Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks. These two women are constantly putting their hands all over guys. I watch Entertainment Tonight, and the young, African-American reporter regularly interviews these two on the red carpet events, and they positively molest this poor kid. If a man did to them what they do to this guy, and others, omg...heads would roll.
The other woman "offender", surprisingly, is Ellen Degeneres. She is constantly featuring shirtles men on her show, and "inappropriately" touches most of them, as well as many male guests. She is often trying to talk the best looking of her guests to take their shirts off for one ridiculous reason or another, and regularly had male exotic dancers on. Now as a healthy woman,, I enjoy a half naked man as much as the next woman, but again, if a guy was doing this on his show..the outcry would be loud and outraged. I love Ellen, truly, but what is the end game here, the purpose?
Because I feel there is one.
Bottom line is this...Double standard, ladies? Is that the message you want to telegraph?
I am hoping that this post gets it all out of my system and I can move on to another topic. Thing is, this just doesn't seem to want to stop. I am talking about all these men finally getting outed for the pervs they are. The thing is, I think it has gone a little too far. We started out with genuine pigs like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, okay? All good. But now it seems that every guy who has ever made a pass at a woman is being taken to task. Here's the thing...I am NOT saying anyone deserves to be groped or subjected to any unwarranted deviant behavior, but some of these women could have easily avoided these events altogether. Even in Harvey's case, when a guy wants to give you a "private tour" or asks you to meet at his hotel...could you use a little common sense, ladies? No one is that naive. If you are willing to co-op yourself just to get a part, if you really think that is something necessary, then don't cry about it later. You are complicit in this dance. These men get away with this stuff because no one says anything, they "go along to get along". Look, men are not that clever or complicated. There are some men that will always try to get away with crap like this, they push boundaries constantly. To one extent or another, they all try to get over on us. If they didn't, the human race would have died out long ago. Usually, it is a pretty innocent attempt at a kiss or something, but some men just have no idea where, if anywhere, the line is drawn. But like I said, their machinations are not that complicated or difficult to see coming a mile away. I'm not talking the violent types that ambush, rape and assault strangers here. Just the men you work with and around and find in social situations. It's not that hard to avoid these situations. Just a modicum of common sense and a little healthy self-respect. The only reason these long time, career perverts exist is because we allow it. This need not be the case. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
So, for my international readers, a bucket list is sort of a national obsession. It is a list of all the things you haven't done, but want to do before you die. It is often things like jumping out of perfectly good planes, climbing mountains, or other lofty or crazy things. The items rarely seem to be anything noble or altruistic in nature. Most would rather bungee jump than foster a child, etc. So I have been thinking...instead of making a bucket list of silly things I want to do, I am making a list of things I have done that I can be proud of, so I can see if I need to try to do more of those instead. I have been feeling like a bit of a failure lately, but since I started making this list, I am feeling a little better. I haven't scaled any mountains, but I have talked a couple souls off of ledges, both literal and figurative. I haven't traveled very much, but I have made friends in other lands with whom I exchange knowledge and engage in the sort of mutual respect and support our countries should. I haven't had my own children, but I have mentored a few out of taking wrong turns in life. Over all, I like this list so far. There are goals I still have that I want to add to it. I want to finish my book on mental illness. I want to do one more job. I want to make more friends. I will probably never do anything spectacular like hang glide over a rain forest, or even visit Scotland and Wales, but as long as I can make one person smile every day, or think, or laugh...then I think my list is pretty full and pretty great. Just sayin' Dragonfly Davis
Well, it's about time. A judge, one with some sense, has finally settled the matter of one Ezekiel Elliott. In case you don't know, this young man is a player for the Dallas Cowboys football team in Texas. He is a very talented player, almost surgical in his abilities. If he doesn't end up in prison for an even more disturbing act than this current one, his future on the field is bright.
But as brilliant as his judgement is ON the field, it is woefully lacking off the field.
At a St. Patrick's Day celebration this past March, he felt compelled, and entitled, to grab a womans top and expose her breasts. No warning, no permission, just decided it was the thing to do.
Well, the NFL decided this was, rightly, unacceptable behavior and handed down a 6 game suspension for this very bad act.
That is pretty much half the season. This should have been the end of the sordid story, right? Nope.
It is being fought, tooth and nail. And with some success. One judge sentences him, another re-instates him. It has been going on for months. Youthful indescretion, they said. A temporary lapse in judgement, they said. The woman subsequently flashed her breasts herself, they said.
And the most telling of all..he's not sorry, thinks it's no big deal. It was a spur of the moment, party atmosphere sort of thing, what's all the fuss about. Well I'll explain it to you, sport. You assaulted that woman, plain and simple. Just as surely as if you had struck her. You, without her permission, put your hands on her, period. Your intentions are not at issue, doesn't matter. Without provocation, you assaulted her. That is the big deal.
And consider this, maybe her subsequent behavior was actually caused by his act. Saying what she later did makes it okay is a lot like saying something like you can't rape a sex worker. That he faces no criminal charges is a miracle. Take that win, and sit out those games, mouth shut.
The other big deal is this. Why are they fighting SO hard to relieve this
unrepentent man of his very fair punishment? You would think he was a brilliant surgeon, whose talents were sorely needed to save the life of a world leader or small child, and his punishment was preventing him from performing life saving surgery. Not that any profession should negate punishment, just ask Harvey Weinstein. I just mean that it would make all this fuss make a bit more sense. But he is a performer, an entertainer. No one will suffer as he sits out his well deserved, and extremely light, punishment. Oh wait, someone will suffer. Jerry Jones, he could suffer, financially. Mr. Elliott is not a bit player, he is a star. People will pay to see him do what he does best. Well, by all means, let's look the other way, the poor millionaire might lose some money. Really?
Thiss young man is a criminal, Jerry. He assaulted a woman. And if he doesn't pay for his actions, he will repeat them, and maybe worse. He may anyhow, but at least we tried to set him straight, teach him the err of his ways. Do you really want his possible future bad acts on your conscience? And make no mistake, Jerry. If he feels empowered by having gotten away scott free, you WILL be partially to blame for those acts. You have dodged a bullet here...be grateful that a little money is all it costs you.
So, I last spoke about the floodgates opening up about all these powerful men that have made an avocation of molesting those who would be easily intimidated. The number of accusers coming forward is both heartening and horrifying. Heartening in that so many are finally unburdening themselves and facing these men in the light of day, and yet horrifying that there are so many. How did these men find time to get anything else done?
Okay, slightly off topic. I want to talk about the victim now, and all potential victims out there. First, let me be very clear. Nothing you do will ever justify anything done to you, ever. Second, I am not going to address stranger rape, which is a whole different animal than what I want to discuss. With those things in mind, I think there are things that we, as women, should be doing, or rather not doing.
In nature, humans are literally the only species in which the female pursues the males in any way. In all others, it is the male who tries to win the female heart. They are given, by nature, the tools to this end. The males are given the brighter colors, more plummage, luxurious manes, glorious antles, better eyelashes and hair. You get the idea. I am not sure at what point the human female felt the need to start trying to attract the males. It is surely not necessary, they need no incentives. I think maybe that it is a combination of the fact that there are way more females than males in most areas of the world, and human females are very insecure and competitive around other females. Because of these things, the competition has, over the centuries, taken an ugly turn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, to feeling sexy and desirable. But there is a point after which you are basically baiting the bear. When I was in high school, I was that mousy, flat chested brunette that got ignored in favor of the busty, lusty cheerleaders for the most part. I took notes. Right after graduation, the hormone fairy finally noticed me and between getting great breasts practically overnight and some help from Clairol, suddenly I was a hot property. And I became a huge tease. I had something all the boys wanted, my virginity. I dangled that carrot for all it was worth. In return, I was constantly fending guys off. Most took being rebuffed like gentlemen, and either behaved thereafter, or moved on. All but one. That one eventually shoved me down and took what I had been dangling in front of him. I stupidly, and literally, walked into the lions den, knowing he would "try". Is it my Fault, what happened? No, he was a rapist. BUT, could I have easily prevented it from happening? You bet.
We as women KNOW that men, all men to one extent or another, will attempt to get sex whenever and wherever they can. But we still seem to feel the need to incite them. Like I said before, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel sexy without worrying about being assaulted, of course. But we also need to take partial responsibility in the constant, ongoing mating dance. Everything we do telegraphs a message to others. What we wear, drive, eat, buy, do for fun, for work, read. It all sends messages to others. Unspoken communication is at least, if not more powerful than spoken language, overall. So, that being said, when you wear something that clearly shows pretty much all of your breast, is cut up to your butt, or is so short that your butt is right there, for all to see....what is your message? Honestly. You can be sexy without dressing like a porn star. I will freely admit that in younger days, I have worn some pretty risky stuff, and I did it because honestly, I really enjoyed watching men walk into walls, watching me walk by. I really thought that driving men crazy with lust was an artform. I have learned over the years, that it actually takes no talent at all. Mostly you just have to be breathing. It IS great fun turning heads, it truly is...but here is the problem. Would you go into the woods and dangle a salmon in a bear's face? Would you dress up like a gazelle and walk past a lion? I hope the answer is no. Why then, do you purposely try to incite creatures that you KNOW could turn on you, just like the bear and lion? Under ideal circumstances, most men are perfectly capable of policing themselves and can be civilized when being teased, and make no mistake, you know you are teasing. If you only admit that to yourself, that is a start. We supposedly dress for other women, but really, only to the extent that we want to show the other women that we can attract more males. Again, a perversion of the natural order of things. I am not saying you need to dress like a nun... so no nasty emails. I like to show a little cleavage myself, but responsibly. Many females, mostly young, are taking their social cues from a family that I won't name here, but they have their own TV show and the main character rose to fame off of a sex tape, and frankly, even married, she dresses like a porn star. Nothing is left to the imagination, nothing. And women follow this example. Well girls, she has bodyguards to protect her when she goes out like that. She can whip men into frenzies of lust all day long and be completly safe doing it. YOU cannot. And when men offer to show you around someplace, especially a private tour, quit acting like you don't know what's going on. Frankly, men aren't that clever. Their little "traps" to get you alone and isolated are not that complicated to see through. If you want to play roulette to get something you want from them, like a part in a movie, then be prepared when the gun goes off. Take your half of the responsibility for the scenario you find yourself in. You are a participant in all social interactions, and that includes protecting yourself, in advance, from predators. We teach children about "stranger danger", right? So how do we get dumber as we get older? You don't have legitimate interviews in someones apartment or hotel room, come on. You have to make a decision...how badly do you want that job, part, car...whatever? Either you're willing to sell your soul, or you're not. All I am saying is this, ladies...what is your message?
Well, well, well. I honestly never thought I would live to see this day come. I am shocked, amazed and very proud. Let me explain. First, I do not want to imply that this arena is the exclusive property of white males, since, of course, it is not. They just seem to excel above all others. I am talking, obviously, about all these men being exposed (no pun intended) as the perverts they have been. All these white men, with the glaring exception of Bill Cosby, who started this whole, glorious fall from grace, are being run to ground for their unacceptable deeds.
Now as anyone who has taken a biology class, or watched the Nature Channel, knows, it is the genetic imperative of the males of all species to make sure their DNA continues. To that end, they are constantly trying, to varying degrees, to mate with any and all available females. But the scenario is supposed to go that if one female rebuffs them, they move on to the next. No hard feelings, no pressure, just move on. That is how it's supposed to go.
Now again, I am not implying that white men have exclusivity here, obviously. But even though rape and molestation occurs with all races, they do seem to have a long and extensive history, dating back to the days of Aristotle, and no doubt even before that. The historical theme has
always seemed to be to not only conquer, but to also rape while conquering. This seems to be the rule rather than the exception. Again, there is that genetic imperative to plant DNA everywhere possible. That is why you'll see both Roman and Viking features in Scotland, for instance.
But American men, especially rich and powerful ones, have taken this imperative and perverted it into a sort of entitled fetish.
It seems to have become some sort of game to them, one they feel entitled to play with whomever they choose. They use their power and money to get away with this sick need to over-power and use those that they feel confident will not fight back. And sadly, this gambit has worked for them, and for a very long time now. For various reasons, this behavior, although not a total secret, has never been exposed. Presumably because no one was willing to turn over the apple cart. To expose these men would mean losing parts, perhaps whole careers. Also, there is the shame factor. I grasp being embarrassed about having put oneself in the position to be molested. I was date raped long before there even was such a thing, and I was embarrassed to have been so stupidly naive. But that was 50 years ago. Things should be different today. Women have been empowered for a while now. But, like I mentioned, livelihoods were also on the line, so these powerful men got to play with impunity...until now.
Finally, with first a trickle, the dam has broken and a dynasty has fallen.
It would seem that the era of sex through intimidation is over.
It is somewhat amusing, and sad, how easily these men are admitting to being sick and seeking treatment. Of course, they do this to avoid the possibility of being prosecuted, or otherwise punished for their deeds.
What really does amaze me is the domino effect. When Mr. Weinstein was outed, suddenly everyone who has ever been inappropriately touched is coming out of the shadows and ratting out their molester.
The bandwagon effect that is happening is really something to see.
These monsters are scrambling for excuses. The most heinous of which is Kevin Spacey, attempting to use being gay as a get out of jail free card. Being gay has nothing to do with his activities. Funny, I always thought there was something about him. Many actors, in their careers, take the odd role of a twisted character. But Mr. Spacey has made a career of playing skeevy men. You have to be a little ticky yourself to be that good at it, I think. Apparently, I was right. This is fetishism, a perverting of an imperative. Somewhere, in the lives of these men, they were made to feel that this behavior, on some level, was acceptable for them. This is where the white male privilege thing comes in, in my view.
There are molesters of all stripe, white and black, rich and poor...etc, ad infinitum. But if studied by scientists, and this is something that actually should be looked at, I believe rich white guys would be the biggest piece of that pie chart. I think this sense of entitlement is also passed on from one generation to the next, by implication or explicit behaviors.
I have renewed hope that this world can become a better place. When
dark secrets and bad behaviors come to light, there is progress for the human race. If we continue to weed out the miscreants from the herd that is mankind, there is indeed hope.
Just sayin,
Dragonfly Davis
So the latest gunman to shoot a bunch of totally innocent people, Devin P. Kelley by name, could have easily been stopped before he even started.* Sutherland Springs could have, and should have, been spared this nightmare quite easily. The United States Air Force, which by the way, exists to protect us, KNEW this former member had issues that made him INELIGIBLE to buy a gun of any kind...and yet they failed to take the very simple step of notifying the database that is meant to keep track of people that are undesireable as gun owners. If this is not proof positive that the vetting process for gun ownership is very flawed, then I cannot imagine what it will take. The murder of children and the elderly is not enough? Then how about pregnant women, the disabled, war vets??? Look...I am NOT against guns in general. I enjoy target shooting. I don't hunt, but would if needed, and do not begrudge those who hunt for meat at all. I am a pretty good shot with a rifle and owned a .45 at one time before I had to sell it. I don't hate guns...I do not have ANY issue with everyday citizens owning hunting rifles and for home securiry, hand guns. But there is NO legitimate reason to own assault weapons, none. Now before you curse me, I grasp that many people are preparing for Armageddon and the probable necessity of having to rapidly shoot your former neighbors so that they don't steal your supplies, etc. This could indeed be the end of times, given that Donald Trump.is President and all. If there was ever a sign of the Apocalypse, I think that could be it. But what if it comes instead as a self- fulfilling prophesy? What if actively and aggressively preparing for it, actually triggers it? Many of these crazed individuals doing these terrible things, die before we know their excuses for their actions. What if all this "prepping" has whipped them into their homicidal/suicidal frenzies? What if, instead of investing in a very dark future, we invest in keeping it from ever happening? Armageddon is not an inevitability, people. Just because it is written down, does not make it a foregone conclusion. At the risk of now also angering Christians, all holy books speak in metaphor, not facts. They warn about missteps and bad deeds. They were written by those that would control the actions of the masses by scaring them into good behavior. So okay, let's start behaving well instead of taking up arms against our brothers in preparation for killing them? I know the Constitution guarantees the right to bear arms. So own a hand gun, hunting rifles, etc. But let's also stand up and say enough is enough to assault weapons, at least until they can stop these awful massacres, you must stop them. Please stop them Just sayin Dragonfly Davis See article below
U.S.
Air Force Error Allowed Texas Gunman to Buy Weapons
The scene outside the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Tex., on Monday morning.TODD HEISLER/THE NEW YORK TIMES
By DAVID MONTGOMERY, RICHARD A. OPPEL Jr. and JOSE A. DELREAL
November 6, 2017
SUTHERLAND SPRINGS, Tex. — A day after a gunman massacred parishioners in a small Texas church, the Air Force admitted on Monday that it had failed to enter the man’s domestic violence court-martial into a federal database that could have blocked him from buying the rifle he used to kill 26 people.
Under federal law, the conviction of the gunman, Devin P. Kelley, for domestic assault on his wife and toddler stepson — he had cracked the child’s skull — should have stopped Mr. Kelley from legally purchasing the military-style rifle and three other guns he acquired in the last four years.
“The Air Force has launched a review of how the service handled the criminal records of former Airman Devin P. Kelley following his 2012 domestic violence conviction,” the Air Force said in a statement.
The statement said Heather Wilson, the Air Force secretary, and Gen. David Goldfein, the Air Force chief of staff, had ordered the Air Force inspector general to “conduct a complete review of the Kelley case.”
The Air Force also said it was looking into whether other convictions had been improperly left unreported to the federal database for firearms background checks.
Devin Patrick Kelley, 26, opened fire in a church in rural Texas on Sunday, killing at least 26 people. He was pursued by residents and found dead in his car.
Mr. Kelley, who was dressed in all black and wore a skull-face mask, emerged from the church after he was done shooting, then was met by gunfire from a bystander outside, who hit Mr. Kelley in the leg and the torso. Mr. Kelley made it back to his car and led the bystander and another man in a dramatic chase that ended in a crash, with Mr. Kelley dead behind the wheel. He had shot himself in the head, officials said.
The shootings came a little over a month after 58 people were killed at a concert in Las Vegas, and were the latest in a string of mass killings in the United States. They led to another round of calls for more gun restrictions, though they were muted in comparison with previous tragedies, perhaps because gun-control advocates realized that a Republican-controlled Washington would not give in on gun rights.
Asked about the shooting during his trip to Asia, President Trump said Monday that the shooting was not related to regulations on gun ownership.
“I think that mental health is your problem here,” Mr. Trump said at a joint news conference with Prime Minister Shinzo Abe of Japan. “This was a very, based on preliminary reports, very deranged individual.”
On Tuesday, Mr. Trump was asked during a news conference in South Korea whether he would support “extreme vetting” of gun buyers, comparable to the vetting his administration has sought to impose on visitors from some predominantly Muslim countries.
“If you did what you’re suggesting, there would have been no difference three days ago,” the president replied, “and you might not have had that very brave person who happened to have a gun or a rifle in his truck go out and shoot him and hit him and neutralize him.”
Objects of mourning left by a traffic cone and barrier outside the First Baptist Church on Monday.TODD HEISLER/THE NEW YORK TIMES
“If he didn’t have a gun, instead of having 26 dead, you would have had hundreds more dead,” Mr. Trump said, reiterating an argument he has made after previous mass shootings — that more guns, not less, could be the answer.
Vice President Mike Pence said on Twitter that he and his wife would visit Sutherland Springs on Wednesday.
Senator Chris Murphy, a Connecticut Democrat, criticized Mr. Trump’s response on Monday, noting that the bystander did not fire at Mr. Kelley until the carnage inside the church was over.
“Let’s be clear — nobody ‘stopped’ this shooting,” he wrote on Twitter. “26 people, including little kids, are dead in one of our country’s worst mass killings.”
Former President Barack Obama, whose own calls for more gun regulations were stymied, said on Twitter, “May God also grant all of us the wisdom to ask what concrete steps we can take to reduce the violence and weaponry in our midst.”
The immediate question on Monday was how Mr. Kelley had been able to legally purchase his weapons. In his 2012 court-martial, Mr. Kelley admitted that he had repeatedly struck, kicked and choked his wife beginning just months into their marriage. He also said he had repeatedly hit his young stepson’s head with his hands, cracking his skull, said Don Christensen, a retired colonel who was the chief prosecutor for the Air Force.
Federal law lists 11 criteria that would bar someone from buying a gun, including two that would seem to apply to Mr. Kelley: conviction of a crime punishable by more than a year in prison — assaulting his stepson, which carried a maximum sentence of five years — and conviction of a domestic violence misdemeanor.
The Department of Defense has reported only one domestic violence case to the federal database for gun purchase background checks, records show. It has reported 11,000 service members to the database, but almost all of them were because of dishonorable discharges, which prohibit gun purchases. Mr. Kelley, after serving 12 months in a Navy brig in California, received a “bad conduct” discharge, which is not by itself an automatic bar to gun purchases.
Elise Hasbrook, a spokeswoman for Academy Sports + Outdoors, which owns two San Antonio shops that each sold Mr. Kelley a gun in the last two years, said “both sales were approved by the National Instant Criminal Background Check System.” Mr. Kelley had bought two other guns since his court-martial, both in Colorado, the authorities said.
Gov. Greg Abbott of Texas told CNN that Mr. Kelley had been rejected when he applied for a license to carry a handgun in Texas. State officials did not specify why he was rejected, and a carrying license is not required to purchase a firearm from a gun shop so long as the buyer passes the federal background check.
“By all the facts that we seem to know, he was not supposed to have access to a gun, so how did this happen?” Mr. Abbott said.
The authorities in Comal County, which includes Mr. Kelley’s hometown, New Braunfels, also released records on Monday that showed Mr. Kelley had been the subject of an investigation for sexual assault and rape by force in 2013. The investigation ended without the filing of any charges.
On Monday, Sheriff Tackitt of Wilson County, where First Baptist is located, described Mr. Kelley’s horrific and methodical path through the church. After firing from outside the building, Mr. Kelley entered the church, and fired his weapon from side to side as he paced through the room, the sheriff said. Among those killed were members of three generations of the Holcombe family, including the guest preacher and his wife, and an 18-month-old girl named Noah.
“There was nothing anyone could do until he came out,” Sheriff Tackitt said.
After Mr. Kelley stepped out of the church, a man outside was waiting with his own rifle. They fired at each other, and Mr. Kelley was hit twice. He then drove off in his car.
The bystander, who identified himself Monday night as Stephen Willeford, flagged down a nearby driver, Johnnie Langendorff, and they gave chase, at speeds upward of 90 miles an hour, Mr. Langendorff said. Mr. Kelley contacted his father from his cellphone during the chase to tell him that he had been shot, according to law enforcement officials, telling his father that he “didn’t think he was going to make it.” He soon crashed and was found dead behind the wheel with three gunshot wounds, including his own shot to his head.
Sheriff Tackitt called Mr. Willeford a “hero.”
In an interview with a local television station, Mr. Willeford said his daughter had heard gunshots from the church and alerted him. He retrieved his rifle and went to the church.
Mr. Willeford grew emotional as he spoke about what he saw and heard.
“Every time I heard a shot I knew that probably represented a life,” he said. “I was scared to death, I was. I was scared for me and I was scared for every one of them. And I was scared for my own family that lived less than a block away.”
“I’m no hero, I am not,” he said. “I think my God, my Lord protected me and gave me the skills to do what needed to be done.”
“I just wish I could have gotten there faster,” he said.
David Montgomery reported from Sutherland Springs, and Richard A. Oppel Jr. and Jose A. DelReal from New York. Reporting was contributed by Manny Fernandez from Houston; Alan Blinder from New Braunfels, Tex.; Susan Anasagasti from Sutherland Springs; Adam Goldman from Washington; and Mark Landler from Seoul, South Korea. Jack Begg and Susan C. Beachy contributed research.
