I really didn't contradict myself before.

For anyone that read me yesterday, it MAY seem as if I contradicted myself when first I explained that knowing you have a problem is not the same as curing it. That is not really in opposition to what I said further down when I explained how to quit doing something self-destructive. People have weaknesses of all different sorts. Some are no big deal, some are phobias, and some are full-blown mental conditions. I was not saying one could cure oneself of a particular problem, just that you could get most things under a certain amount of control. I'm bipolar, and it's chemical and permanent, BUT with the help of the right drugs and a HUGE amount of constant self-control, I can manage my little world most days, most times. I HAVE had a couple of breakdowns, and may have more, don't know, but the individual issues that I have, I maintain varying amounts of control over. The social issues are easier to manage, like what I talked about yesterday. Falling victim to the Prince Charming syndrome is very easy to do, especially if you are in dire need of being rescued. It's something I have to keep in mind every day, that I cannot have someone fixing everything for me at every turn, I have to try to care for myself and THEN, if someone comes along, and I'm FREE to accept their help on a reciprocal type basis, that is another thing, OR if a real friend sees me struggling and offers (with it firmly established that there are NO strings, then it's on THEM if they demand sexual payment down the line, but I still should be cautious). I guess they used to call women like what I'm talking about as "kept" women. Their men (often married to others) did everything for them, and they were basically just around for sex, and maybe a little housecleaning or something. Anyway, my point is that KNOWING you use sex as a weapon is the first step to CONTROLLING that urge to do that, not curing whatever makes you feel that you cannot do these things for yourself, or learn. I'm not saying you should never ask a male friend for help with something, especially if you're single, BUT if you're doing that with single men, and you're married, you have GOT to accept that this is unhealthy behavior on your part. Being married implies that you are faithful to your mate, and doing things that would say otherwise is very confusing. Married men shouldn't go to other women for stuff that they should be going to their wives for, either. That is blatant advertising, whether you want to admit it or not, and if/when you get a response from your single male/female friend that says "okay, you want to play house, even though you're married, I'm game", you cannot then call "foul". Lots of married people cheat, and unless you're wearing a sign that says something like "I'm just too naive for my own good", you can't get mad at the person that responds to your "ad"
I just wanted to clarify that to everyone. I hope I didn't actually muddle it up even more.
Just sayin' (or trying to)
Dragonfly