Philosophy 101

I was reading one of my old Dean Koontz  novels and ran into this very simple, yet compelling philosophy of  how to live your life. I want to  share it with you. Hopefully, Mr. Koontz won't mind...

Is this really a wise strategy for living? Insisting that most of life isn't to be taken seriously. Relentlessly viewing it as a cosmic joke. Having only four guiding principles; one, do as little harm to others as possible; two, be there always for your friends; three, be responsible for yourself  and ask nothing of others; four, grab all the fun you can. Put no stock in the opinions of anyone but those closest to you.  Forget about leaving a  mark on the world.  Ignore the great issues of your time and  thereby improve your digestion.   Don't dwell in the past.  Don't worry about the future.  Live in the moment.  Trust in the purpose of your existence and let meaning come to you instead of straining  to discover it.  When life throws a hard punch, roll with it-but roll with laughter...
Catch the wave, dude.
Sounds too easy, and when it comes to life, do we ever do anything easy, or do we usually insist on swimming upstream like salmon, struggling all the way?
Class dismissed
Just sayin'
Dragonfy Davis

One final thought...I swear on all that is holy.

And by all things holy, I of course mean tequila and dogs.

I am sick to death with the sexual harrassment thing. I realize it is real,  and needs to be dealt with, but I think I personally have dealt with it enough, except for this little observation...

We have this whole thing backwards, as we often do with things. See, in general, women don't like being sexually harrassed, but usually are. Conversely, most men would pay money to be sexually harrassed, but generally are not. 

There are, however, some glaring exceptions, and I personally am sort of embarrassed about it.

Some famous women seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time with their hands all over hapless men. It doesn't seem the men have a problem with this, but perhaps they are putting on a brave face for the sake of continued employment, like so many of these women say they had to do.  Two of the women in question are Heidi  Klum and Tyra Banks. These two women are constantly putting their hands all over guys. I watch Entertainment Tonight, and the young, African-American reporter regularly interviews these two on the red carpet events, and they positively molest this poor kid. If a man did to them what they do to this guy, and others, omg...heads would roll.

The other woman "offender", surprisingly, is Ellen Degeneres. She is constantly featuring shirtles men on her show, and "inappropriately" touches most of them, as well as many male guests. She is often trying to talk the best looking of her guests to take their shirts off for one ridiculous reason or another, and regularly had male exotic dancers on. Now as a healthy woman,, I enjoy a half naked man as much as the next woman, but again, if a guy was doing this on his show..the outcry would be loud and outraged. I love Ellen, truly, but what  is the end game here, the purpose?

Because I feel there is one.

Bottom line is this...Double standard, ladies? Is that the message you want to telegraph?

Just sayin'

Dragonfly Davis

Okay girls, work with me..

I am hoping that this post gets it all out of my system and I can move on to another topic. Thing is, this just doesn't seem to want to stop.
I am talking about all these men finally getting outed for the pervs they are. The thing is, I think it has gone a little too far.
We started out with genuine pigs like  Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, okay? All good. But now it seems that every guy who has ever made a pass at a woman is being taken to task.
Here's the thing...I am NOT saying anyone deserves to be groped or subjected to any  unwarranted deviant behavior, but some of these women could have easily avoided these events altogether.  Even in Harvey's  case, when a guy wants to give you a "private tour" or asks you to meet at his hotel...could you use a little common sense, ladies? No one is that naive. If you are willing to co-op yourself just to get a part, if you really think that is something necessary, then don't cry about it later. You are complicit in this dance. These men get away with this stuff because no one says anything, they "go along to get along". 
Look, men are not that clever or complicated. There are some men that will always try to get away with crap like this, they push boundaries constantly. To one extent or another, they all try to get over on us. If they didn't, the human race would have died out long ago. Usually, it is a pretty innocent attempt at a kiss or something, but some men just have no idea where, if anywhere, the line is drawn. But like I said, their machinations are not that complicated or difficult to see coming a mile away. I'm not talking the violent types that ambush, rape and assault strangers here. Just the men you work with and around and find in social situations. It's not that hard to avoid these situations. Just a modicum of common sense and a little healthy self-respect. The only reason these long time, career perverts exist is because we allow it. This need not be the case.

Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis

Reverse Bucket List

So, for my international readers, a bucket list is sort of a national obsession. It is a list of all the things you haven't done, but want to do before you die. It is often things like jumping out of perfectly good planes, climbing mountains, or other lofty or crazy things.
The items rarely seem to be anything noble or altruistic in nature.
Most would rather bungee jump than foster a child, etc.
So I have been thinking...instead of making a bucket list of silly things I want to do, I am making a list of things I have done that I can be proud of, so I can see if I need to try to do more of those instead. 
I have been feeling like a bit of a failure lately, but since I started making this list, I am feeling a little better. 
I haven't scaled any mountains, but I have talked a couple souls off of ledges, both literal and figurative.
I haven't traveled very much, but I have made friends in other lands with whom I exchange knowledge and engage in the sort of mutual respect and support our countries should.
I haven't had my own children, but I have mentored a few out of taking wrong turns in life.
Over all, I like this list so far. There are goals I still have that I want to add to it. 
I want to finish my book on mental illness.
I want to do one more job.
I want to make more friends.
I  will probably never do anything spectacular like hang glide over a rain forest, or even visit Scotland and Wales, but as long as I can make one person smile every day, or think, or laugh...then I think my list is pretty full and pretty great.

Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis

And another one bites the dust...

Well, it's about time. A judge, one with some sense, has finally settled the matter of one Ezekiel Elliott.  In case you don't know, this young man is a player for the Dallas Cowboys football team in Texas. He is a very talented player, almost surgical in his abilities. If he doesn't end up in prison for an even more disturbing act than this current one, his future on the field is bright.
But as brilliant as his judgement is ON the field, it is woefully lacking off the field.
At a St. Patrick's Day celebration this past March, he felt compelled, and entitled, to grab a womans top and expose her breasts. No warning, no permission, just decided it was the thing to do.
Well, the NFL decided this was, rightly, unacceptable behavior and handed down a 6 game suspension for this very bad act.
That is pretty much half the season. This should have been the end of the sordid story, right? Nope.
It is being fought, tooth and nail. And with some success. One judge sentences him, another re-instates him.  It has been going on for months. Youthful indescretion, they said. A temporary lapse in judgement, they said. The woman subsequently flashed her breasts herself, they said.
 And the most telling of all..he's not sorry, thinks it's no big deal. It was a spur of the moment, party atmosphere sort of thing, what's all the fuss about. Well I'll explain it to you, sport. You assaulted that woman, plain and simple. Just as surely as if you had struck her. You, without her permission, put your hands on her, period. Your intentions are not at issue, doesn't matter. Without provocation, you assaulted her. That is the big deal.
And consider this, maybe her subsequent behavior was actually caused by his act. Saying what she later did makes it okay is a lot like saying something like you can't rape a sex worker. That he faces no criminal charges is a miracle. Take that win, and sit out those games, mouth shut.
The other big deal is this.  Why are they fighting SO hard to relieve this
unrepentent man of his very fair punishment? You would think he was a brilliant surgeon, whose talents were sorely needed to save the life of a world leader or small child, and his punishment was preventing him from  performing life saving surgery. Not that any profession should negate punishment, just ask Harvey Weinstein. I just mean that  it would make all this fuss make a bit more sense. But he is a performer, an entertainer. No one will suffer as he sits out his well deserved, and extremely light, punishment. Oh wait, someone will suffer. Jerry Jones, he could suffer, financially.  Mr. Elliott is not a bit player, he is a star. People will  pay to  see him do what he does best. Well, by all means, let's look the other way, the poor millionaire might lose some money. Really?
Thiss young man is a criminal, Jerry. He assaulted a woman. And if he doesn't pay for his actions, he will repeat them, and maybe worse. He may anyhow, but at least we tried to set him straight, teach him the err of his ways. Do you really want his possible future bad acts  on your conscience? And make no mistake, Jerry. If he feels empowered by having gotten away scott free, you WILL be partially to blame for those acts. You have dodged a bullet here...be grateful that a little money is all it costs you.

Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis

Please don't shoot the messenger

So, I last spoke about the floodgates opening up about all these powerful men that have made an avocation of molesting those who would be easily intimidated.  The number of accusers coming forward is both heartening and horrifying. Heartening in that so many are finally unburdening themselves and facing these men in the light of day, and yet horrifying that there are so many. How did these men find time to get anything else done?
Okay, slightly off topic. I want to talk about the victim now, and all potential victims out there. First, let me be very clear. Nothing you do will ever justify anything done to you, ever. Second, I am not going to address stranger rape, which is a whole different animal than what I want to discuss. With those things in mind, I think there are things that we, as women, should be doing, or rather not doing.
In nature, humans are literally the only species in which the female pursues the males in any way. In all others, it is the male who tries to win the female heart. They are given, by nature, the tools to this end. The males are given the brighter colors, more plummage, luxurious manes, glorious antles, better eyelashes and hair. You get the idea. I am not sure at what point the human female felt the need to start trying to attract the males. It is surely not necessary, they need no incentives. I think maybe that it is a combination of the fact that there are way more females than males in most areas of the world, and human females are very insecure and competitive around other females. Because of these things, the competition has, over the centuries, taken an ugly turn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, to feeling sexy and desirable. But there is a point after which you are basically baiting the bear. When I was in high school, I was that mousy, flat chested brunette that got ignored in favor of the busty, lusty cheerleaders for the most part. I took notes. Right after graduation, the hormone fairy finally noticed me and between getting great breasts practically overnight and some help from Clairol, suddenly I was a hot property. And I became a huge tease. I had something all the boys wanted, my virginity. I dangled that carrot for all it was worth. In return, I was constantly fending guys off. Most took being rebuffed like gentlemen, and either behaved thereafter, or moved on. All but one. That one eventually shoved me down and took what I had been dangling in front of him. I stupidly, and literally, walked into the lions den, knowing he would "try". Is it my Fault, what happened? No, he was a rapist. BUT, could I have easily  prevented it from happening? You bet.
We as women KNOW that men, all men to one extent or another, will attempt to get sex whenever and wherever they can. But we still seem to feel the need to incite them. Like I said before, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel sexy without worrying about being assaulted, of course. But we also need to take partial responsibility in the constant, ongoing mating dance. Everything we do telegraphs a message to others. What we wear, drive, eat, buy, do for fun, for work, read. It all sends messages to others. Unspoken communication is at least, if not more powerful than spoken language, overall. So, that being said, when you wear something that clearly shows pretty much all of your breast, is cut up to your butt, or is so short that your butt is right there, for all to see....what is your message? Honestly. You can be sexy without dressing like a porn star. I will freely admit that in younger days, I have worn some pretty risky stuff, and I did it because honestly, I really enjoyed watching men walk into walls, watching me walk by. I really thought that driving men crazy with lust was an artform. I have learned over the years, that it actually takes no talent at all. Mostly you just have to be breathing. It IS great fun turning heads, it truly is...but here is the problem. Would you go into the woods and dangle a salmon in a bear's face? Would you dress up like a gazelle and walk past a lion? I hope the answer is no. Why then, do you purposely try to incite creatures that you KNOW could turn on you, just like the bear and lion? Under ideal circumstances, most men are perfectly capable of policing themselves and can be civilized when being teased, and make no mistake, you know you are teasing. If you only admit that to yourself, that is a start. We supposedly dress for other women, but really, only to the extent that we want to show the other women that we can attract more males. Again, a perversion of the natural order of things.  I am not saying you need to dress like a nun... so no nasty emails. I like to show a little cleavage myself, but responsibly. Many females, mostly young, are taking their social cues from a family that I won't name here, but they have their own TV show and the main character rose to fame off of a sex tape, and frankly, even married, she dresses like a porn star. Nothing is left to the imagination, nothing. And women follow this example. Well girls, she has bodyguards to protect her when she goes out like that. She can whip men into frenzies of lust all day long and be completly safe doing it. YOU cannot. And when men offer to show you around someplace, especially a private tour, quit acting like you don't know what's going on. Frankly, men aren't that clever. Their little "traps" to get you alone and isolated are not that complicated to see through. If you want to play roulette to get something you want from them, like a part in a movie, then be prepared when the gun goes off. Take your half of the responsibility for the scenario you find yourself in.  You are a participant in all social interactions, and that includes protecting yourself, in advance, from predators. We teach children about "stranger danger", right? So how do we get dumber as we get older? You don't have legitimate interviews in someones apartment or hotel room, come on. You have to make a decision...how badly do you want that job, part, car...whatever? Either you're willing to sell your soul, or you're not. All I am saying is this, ladies...what is your message?

Just sayin'
Dragonfly Davis

The fall of a dubious empire

Well, well, well.  I honestly never thought I would live to see this day come.  I am shocked, amazed and very proud.  Let me explain. First, I do not want to imply that this arena is the exclusive property of white males, since, of course, it is not. They just seem to excel above all others. I am talking, obviously, about all these men being exposed (no pun intended) as the perverts they have been. All these white men, with the glaring exception of Bill Cosby, who started this whole, glorious fall from grace, are being run to ground for their unacceptable deeds.
Now as anyone who has taken a biology class, or watched the Nature Channel, knows, it is the genetic imperative of the males of all species to make sure their DNA continues. To that end, they are constantly  trying, to varying degrees, to mate with any and all available females.  But the scenario is supposed to go that if one female rebuffs them, they move on to the next. No hard feelings, no pressure, just move on. That is how it's supposed to go.
Now again, I am not implying that white men have exclusivity here, obviously. But even though rape and molestation occurs with all races,  they do seem to have a long and extensive history, dating back to the days of Aristotle, and no doubt even before that. The historical theme has
always seemed to be to not only conquer, but to also rape while conquering. This seems to be the rule rather than the exception. Again, there is that genetic imperative to plant DNA everywhere possible. That is why you'll see both Roman and Viking features in Scotland, for instance.
But American men, especially rich and powerful ones, have taken this imperative and perverted it into a sort of entitled fetish.
It seems to have become some sort of game to them, one they feel entitled to play with whomever they choose. They use their power and money to get away with this sick need to over-power and use those that they feel confident will not fight back. And sadly, this gambit has worked for them, and for a very long time now. For various reasons, this behavior, although not a total secret, has never been exposed. Presumably because no one was willing to turn over the apple cart. To expose these men would mean losing parts, perhaps whole careers. Also, there is the shame factor. I grasp being embarrassed about having put oneself in the position to be molested. I was date raped long before there even was such a thing, and I was embarrassed to have been so stupidly naive. But that was 50 years ago. Things should be different today.  Women have been empowered for a while now. But, like I mentioned, livelihoods were also on the line, so these powerful men got to play with impunity...until now.
Finally, with first a trickle, the dam has broken and a dynasty has fallen.
It would seem that the era of sex through intimidation is over.
It is somewhat amusing, and sad, how easily these men are admitting to being sick and seeking treatment. Of course, they do this to avoid the possibility of being prosecuted, or otherwise punished for their deeds.
What really does amaze me is the domino effect. When Mr. Weinstein was outed, suddenly everyone who has ever been inappropriately touched is coming out of the shadows and ratting out their molester.
The bandwagon effect that is happening is really something to see.
These monsters are scrambling for excuses. The most heinous of which is Kevin Spacey, attempting to use being gay as a get out of jail free card. Being gay has nothing to do with his activities. Funny, I always thought there was something about him. Many actors, in their careers, take the odd role of a twisted character. But Mr. Spacey has made a career of playing skeevy men. You have to be a little ticky yourself to be that good at it, I think. Apparently, I was right. This is fetishism, a perverting of an imperative. Somewhere, in the lives of these men, they were made to feel that this behavior, on some level, was acceptable for them. This is where the white male privilege thing comes in, in my view.
There are molesters of all stripe, white and black, rich and poor...etc, ad infinitum. But if studied by scientists, and this is something that actually should be looked at, I believe rich white guys would be the biggest piece of that pie chart. I think this sense of entitlement is also passed on from one generation to the next, by implication or explicit behaviors.
I have renewed hope that this world can become a better place. When
dark secrets and bad behaviors come to light, there is progress for the human race. If we continue to weed out the miscreants from the herd that is mankind, there is indeed hope.
Just sayin,
Dragonfly Davis